Four reasons why you can't find love in modern day, according to MAFS UK expert (2024)

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Paul Carrick Brunson, who is best known for his relationship advice on Celebs Go Dating and Married At First Sight UK has revealed that it's now harder to find love today than any point in human history - and there are four reasons why

Married At First Sight UK relationship expert Paul C Brunson has revealed that there are four main reasons why single people are finding it almost impossible to find love in the modern age of dating.

Paul, who is best known for his matchmaking skills and dishing out vital relationship advice on Married At First Sight UK and Celebs Go Dating, has been deep-diving into the scientific research and reasons behind why hopeless romantics are finding it more difficult than ever to find their perfect match, and according to Paul - it's all down to four pretty huge factors.

Speaking exclusively to The Mirror following the release of his brand-new book, titled Find Love: How to Navigate Modern Love and Discover The Right Partner for you, Paul confessed that it's now more difficult to find love than any other time in modern history.

"It's now harder to find love and keep love today than any point in human history and there are four huge scientific factors and reasons behind this. It's all scientifically proven - but people must not give up hope because of these. Number one if that we have more variations of acceptable relationships today than any other time in history," Paul explained.

"If we look back to fifty years ago, in the UK and in the US, there was only one acceptable form of a relationship and that was hetreosexual, monogamous, and nobody divorced. You stuck it out, you had children, had a family, and your husband or wife were your partner - they were not everything in one. Whereas today, there are dozens of acceptable forms of relationships.

"For example, today you could be all of those things - married and monogamous - but it would also be acceptable to live apart from one another. That would not have happened 50-years ago. You can also now be in a same-sex relationship or marriage without judgement. You could be polyamorous. So, this is why it's harder to find lasting love - we have more types of relationships so it becomes more challenging."

Love guru Paul then explained that those searching for love in modern society expect too much of their potential partners. This hinders them finding lasting love because they are searching for perfection and hoping that their partner will not only be their other half, but also their best friend, and everything in between.

"Secondly,we are demanding more from our partners than ever before," Paul added. "Fifty years ago, you might not have needed your partner to be your intellectual. They were simply your sex partner and you co-parented with them.

"However, in today's age, we want our partners to be everything - incredible sex partners, we want them to be our exact equals, we want them to be on the same level as us educationally and financially, we want them to be emotionally intelligent and not to have any icks. We are demanding more from one person than ever before - and standards are extremely high."

Paul then revealed that the third reason why singles find it so difficult to find love is not talking about enough in the UK. The Celebs Go Dating expert explained that due to undiagnosed trauma and stress, people are finding it harder to trust in relationships.

"We are more traumatised and stressed than ever before. I've done my research and 50% to 60% of us are literally walking around with undiagnosed trauma and if you look at the rates of anxiety and stress post-Covid, they have gone up three to four times than they were prior. So, because we are more stressed, anxious, and literally traumatised, we see the world very differently and it's harder to actually make decisions about love and life because of that. The most important decision we'll ever make in our lives is who our partner for life should be - so there's immense pressure," Paul explained.

Lastly, the love guru explained that society has changed dramatically and this is a huge factor as to why hopeless romantics are finding it almost impossible to find love - despite being the best versions of themselves and having everything going for them in their personal and professional lives. Paul explained: "Society has changed, so we often times don't put enough emphasis on how an economic crisis will change how and why we form relationships. For example, if you're a single woman under the age of 30, you are now more educated and make more money than men. You have to see that this changes a lot. There is a massive gender imbalance happening and it's not talked about enough in terms of polyamory. More women are single because their standards are so high, and there are fewer single men.

"This is an example of how an economic crisis has changed the way we date and the way we find love. We're demanding more from our partners, we're traumatised, we have more variations of relationship types and this is why people are finding it so difficult to find love," Paul added.

However, the relationships expert has insisted there is still hope. "You can't give up. You truly cannot give up. If you are fully healed and you deal with your trauma, and if you show up as the best version of yourself and keep your standards high but not impossibly high, then love will happen for you. You have to also believe that you deserve it. It's hard when you've been hurt in the past, it can be scarring and jarring to open up again, but in order to find lasting love we have be open."

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Four reasons why you can't find love in modern day, according to MAFS UK expert (2024)

FAQs

Why can't you fall in love at first sight? ›

Generally speaking, love is defined as a deeply intimate relationship where security, trust, safety, and attachment have all been established. When you think about “love at first sight,” these factors are simply not present the first time you meet a person. Instead, they need time to develop.

Why do some people never find love? ›

Confidence and self-esteem play a vital role when it comes to love. However, many people are unable to find love because they don't think they're worthy of having it. These types of beliefs often have roots reaching as far back as early childhood and can have a huge impact on our lives.

Why is dating so hard in 2024? ›

Nearly half of Americans feel like dating has become more difficult in the past decade, and there are many potential reasons for this. “The pandemic and lockdowns caused so many changes and [many feel] we haven't [yet] settled back down to a 'new normal,'” says Dr. Lieberman.

Why is it so hard to find a partner? ›

1 Some reasons include more physical and emotional risk, advances in technology, it being harder to meet people, and shifting societal expectations. Dating opens even the most well-adjusted to uncertainty and vulnerability.

What do scientists say about love at first sight? ›

First and foremost, they found that love at first sight didn't exist without strong physical attraction—looks did matter. Also, probably unsurprisingly, people in long-term relationships scored higher on 'love tests' than people who had met for the first time but reported love at first sight.

What's the probability of love at first sight? ›

60% Of People Reportedly Experience Love At First Sight.

Why soulmates don t end up together? ›

Why soulmates don't always end up together. Soulmates are not just one particular person that you partner up with for the rest of your life. Our soulmates can be platonic friends, family members, and even teachers or mentors. They can also be romantic relationships that are meaningful for a time and then come to an end ...

What is the fear of never finding love called? ›

People who have philophobia have a fear of love. This fear is so intense that they find it difficult, sometimes impossible, to form and maintain loving relationships. “Philos” is the Greek word for loving or beloved. “Phobos” (phobia) is the Greek word for fear.

Why do I feel incapable of finding love? ›

Low self-esteem can cause feelings of repulsion toward love or relationships. If you do not feel attractive, valuable, or loveable, you may subconsciously feel that others will not see you in this way. Low self-esteem can be improved through self-care and practices that increase self-compassion, like meditation.

What year of dating is the hardest? ›

The first year of the relationship is the hardest stage, and even when you're living together, you still discover new things about each other every day. How to Survive: The key to getting past the discovery stage is also discovery.

What age is late to start dating? ›

Consider their emotional maturity and sense of responsibility. For many kids, 16 seems to be an appropriate age, but it may be entirely suitable for a mature 15-year-old to go on a date, or to make your immature 16-year-old wait a year or two.

What is the hardest year for a couple? ›

For some couples, it's year 5 or 6, and for others it's 8. But around this time, couples, even those in obviously healthy relationships, often experience a kind of personal crisis where they start to question much of what they'd come to expect from their relationship.

Why is it so hard to find love nowadays? ›

It's hard to find true love because the things people are searching for in relationships have changed over time. Not only that, but people are looking for different things in relationships than they used to. It's because “the rules” have changed.

Why is it hard for intelligent people to find a partner? ›

Smart people are aware of the fact that there is more to a successful relationship than sex. They often over-analyze their dates by wondering about the future, the best way to cultivate romance, and being too obsessed with finding the right person.

At what age do most people find their forever partner? ›

And, according to the findings, the average age you'll find your partner varies from gender to gender. That's right - the research found that the average woman finds their life partner at the age of 25, while for men, they're more likely to find their soulmate at 28.

Is it scientifically possible to fall in love at first sight? ›

Still, there has been little research conducted that backs up the validity of the concept. Though it is not uncommon for someone to have an instant attraction to a person based on physical appearance alone, those initial feelings of lust or longing do not typically constitute real love.

Is it true that you can fall in love at first sight? ›

It's certainly possible to fall in love at first sight—but there's a catch. You need to be able to take the time after that first meeting to really get to know each other, explains Dubrow. It's only then that you can figure out if you're a good match or not. It is an exquisite feeling.

Can there really be love at first sight? ›

Research shows there are many kinds of love. When it comes to romantic love, some people say it happened right away. "Over 60% of individuals indicate that they have felt love at first sight at one point in their life. However, infatuation and attraction may be a more accurate term to describe this phenomenon," Dr.

Can love at first sight can be true love? ›

While love at first sight can be experienced as an overwhelming and real feeling, it is likely more accurate that the feeling is due to a strong attraction or infatuation, rather than what we know as real love.

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