This is it folks. The long night approaches. What is dead may never die. Winter is here.
I’ve been cooking up a feast for kings over these last few weeks in anticipation for the season eight – the FINAL season – premiere. I don’t think my body is ready. I’ve had Game of Thrones playing on repeat the last few months. The fact we only get SIX new episodes and then it’s over FOREVER is devastating. But fortunately, I’ll have these recipes to get me through the long night… or at least until HBO releases that prequel show they’ve been going on about.
Here’s the master – or should I say MAESTER – list of ALL of my GoT themed recipes!
BE WARNED! THERE MAY BE MILD SPOILERS IN THIS POST IS YOU AREN’T CAUGHT UP TO THE MOST RECENT SEASON OF GAME OF THRONES!
Qyburn’s Wildfire Guacamole
In his quest to recreate wildfire for the queen, I’d like to think he took some side quests of his own to concoct this spicy wildfire guac.
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Baratheon Boar Ribs
Because of the relationship between House Stark and House Baratheon, I’d like to think this delicious rib feast was a variation of the whole boar that was roasted at the king’s funeral. “Apple in its mouth, skin seared crisp. Eat the bastard. Don’t care if you choke on him. Promise me, Ned.”
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Gendry’s Bowl of Brown
While living in Flea Bottom, Gendry and the other poor folk of Kings Landing dined on what was known as “bowls of brown” which contained cat meat or pigeon meat and very rarely actual chicken or beef. A meager soup that was stewed for extremely long amounts of time – sometimes being added to and served, and added to and served again for years before the pot ran out.
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In the books, Benjen Stark is referred to as Coldhands and rides a giant elk. However in the show, he rides in on a dark horse. When the elk dies in Dance with Dragons, it is blessed by Coldhands and then cooked and eaten by Bran and Meera. I imagine if they weren’t in such dire circ*mstances – they may have prepared the elk as meatballs for traveling efficiency.
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Night’s Watch Blackened Bread
One food that is easy to cook and requires few ingredients is beer bread – and if one thing is for certain, grain and dark beer are in no short supply in Westeros, given the fact that everyone seems to be drinking constantly.
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The Lord Commander’s Buttered Turnips
Though food is now becoming scarce as winter approaches, root vegetables like turnips stand up against the cold and are versatile enough to be cooked in a variety of ways. These turnips are cooked until they are as soft as butter – which is why they are called as such. Though actual butter sauce is the secret to the perfect buttered turnips – but that’s a tip straight from the Wildlings.
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Cersei Lannister is the epitome of evil. As bitter as she is cunning, she will undoubtedly rule Kings Landing with a sad*stic iron thumb. However, being from royalty, she’s not without her high standards not only for herself, but her remaining family. Despite being the most hated woman in the kingdom, she would still demand the highest quality of food.
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Cersei’s Sangria
Of all of the Lannisters, Cersei definitely has a taste for the finest wine in Westeros. And she isn’t particularly one to care if the people in her own city have enough to eat, as long as she has the freshest supply of fruit and wine in the country.
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Hot Pie’s Direwolf Bread
Hot Pie was hired by the inn keep after baking the most delicious bread the keep had ever tasted. When we first leave Hot Pie, he hands Arya a loaf of bread baked in the shape of a direwolf.
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Daenerys’ Dragon Eggs
But fortunately for us peasants, no fire is required to harness the power of these dragon eggs – they’re made mostly from peanut butter, cocoa and oats. I’d like to think my dragon eggs would have reunited the seven kingdoms under the power of deliciousness.
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House Lannister Golden Roast
This golden roast is encrusted in horseradish and honey mustard glaze colored with tumeric and saffron threads – the most expensive spice not only in Westeros, but the real world too.
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Jon Snow’s Honeyed Chicken
After the battle for Winterfell, I like to think that Jon and his men supped on honeyed chicken – a sweet and slow roasted chicken with crisp and sticky skin.
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Ice Dragon Eggs
Ice Dragon eggs have nothing to do with fire. In fact, they have everything to do with ice instead. With no blood magic at my disposal, I had to create the dragon eggs myself like a peasant.
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Old Nan’s Kidney Pie
In season six of Game of Thrones, Jon and Sansa finally reunite at Winterfell. While they reconnect, they briefly reminsence on Old Nan’s kidney pies; “The one with the peas and the onions,” Jon remarks.
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Jorah Mormonts’s Mutton Meatloaf
When Jorah later finds himself at the Wall with Jon Snow – about to cross over into the North to capture a wight to bring to King’s Landing as proof of the Night King and the threat against the land of the living – its almost certain Jorah and Jon’s men would have needed a meatloaf like this to sustain them through the long night.
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Ser Davos’ Iron Roasted Onions
Once a lowly smuggler of – you guessed it – onions to the city of King’s Landing, Ser Davos Seaworth, a man of common folk heritage, finds himself not only as the hand to King Stannis Baratheon, but eventually ends up as the right-hand-man to the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch and King of the North Jon Snow, after Stannis’ eventual demise.
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I’d like to imagine in Braavos that a wide array of shellfish were sold on the market and that Ayra would sell whatever she could get her hands on in order to get closer to “the Thin Man” to kill him. She probably sold a variety of goods to him to keep him happy while she plotted.
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Pentoshi Mushroom Orzo
Pentos is a free city that is highly involved in trade, so I’d like to think something similar to orzo was available in the city. This single pan dish is fantastic, definitely worth serving to a Khaleesi.
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Joffery’s Pigeon Pie
The pie itself is made with common ingredients found throughout Westeros, so it’s not surprising that pigeon pie is a staple across many of the different cultures found in the Seven Kingdoms. I didn’t use real pigeons in my pie, but I did use cornish hen, which is the smaller, gamey-er tasting cousin to the common chicken.
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The Hound’s Roasted Hen
Of all the brothers of House Clegane, the Hound is the one I’d most like to meet, and also avoid at all possible costs. While terrifying and willing to kill a man over a roasted bird, Sandor Clegane is by far one of my favorite characters from the world of Game of Thrones mostly because he’s a badass no matter what side he’s playing on.
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The Red Woman’s Trifle
It’s envitable that Melisandre will return to Westeros one last time – even if it’s just to die. These cake trifles are sweet enough to distract one from the rising of the dead north of the Wall.
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Sansa’s Lemon Cakes
Lemon cakes are a popular dish eaten by the upperclass folk of Westeros, being especially popular in King’s Landing – they most notably are a favorite of Sansa Stark.
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Gregor Clegane’s Smashed Potatoes
“The Mountain” – formerly known as Gregor Clegane; and the brother of “The Hound,” Sandor Clegane – is arguably one of the most terrifying characters to ever appear in Westeros…and his reputation for smashing things preceeds him…
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House Bolton Stuffed Squash
If Ramsay Snow had just tried this stuffed squash, Theon Greyjoy might still have his… sausage. Alas there is no sausage in this recipe, though there are some pine nuts. For Reek’s sake, let’s continue.
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Theon Greyjoy’s Flayed Sausage
For this recipe, we’ll be flaying off a bit of Theon for ourselves and one-uping Ramsay’s pork sausage with brats of our own.
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These apple rose tarts are served with raw honey comb on a bed of brie, some of the finest delicacies King’s Landing had to offer and honor the house Tyrell as well as Tommen’s short union with the kindest queen Westeros ever would have had.
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Tywin Lannister’s Oxtail Stew
In season two of Game of Thrones, Ayra is taken captive by the Lannisters at Harrenhal, where she subsequently finds herself as a servant girl to none other than Tywin Lannister. Tywin doesn’t recognize Ayra, leading him to show her kindness by offering up his meal of mutton stew – but a kindness only shown, mostly because he doesn’t like mutton.
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The Night King’s Ice Cream with Lifeblood Syrup
What the White Walkers and the Night King actually want is STILL a huge mystery – we now know where they come from but not why they are coming. If they’ve heard whispers about how good this ice cream is…well, then I’ll have to apologize for the destruction of the land of the living ’cause this ice cream is AMAZING.
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Winterfell Balsamic Roasted Mushrooms
I’d like to think vegetables like mushrooms and carrots were readily available – but as the inevitable cold approaches, fresher veggies like peppers would need to be used up as to not soil the rest of their supply.
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Winterfell Root Vegetables
Winterfell is ready for winter. As the snow and cold (and presumably the White Walkers) approach its stone walls, the folk who live there are bunkering down and hoarding all the food they can. This includes a large cellar full of roots and vegetables harvested during summer.
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Tyrion’s Leg of Lamb
My OG Game of Thrones recipe – before I knew anything about anything. One might say I knew nothing, Jon Snow.
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The long wait is finally over. Now my watch has ended.
